Optimistic Criticism

From the Went-into-that-pack-optimistically-but-came-out-misty-optically Dept.

Here are some tips I use to improve giving and receiving of feedback.

Optimistic praise and criticism

Optimistic criticism should be impersonal, specific, and temporary. Optimistic praise should be personal, general, and permanent.

I learnt this from the speaking notes for “On Optimism”, along with other wonderful insights.

I’ve found this tactic to be transformational. It’s a simple adage but it improves your communication a thousand-fold.

Avoid Oreo cookie / S### sandwich

This is a common tactic of giving feedback in a pattern of “good - bad - good”.

Try to avoid this. Research shows that the message is usually lost - either missing the good because they are waiting for the “but”, or not hearing the bad because they are glowing after the good.

Aim for smaller, singular pieces of feedback. And…

Tailor for your people

Learn how your people like to get feedback. Everyone has different preferences.

Written vs verbal, morning vs afternoon, daily vs weekly.

One caveat - be biased towards immediacy. Feedback is more effective when fresh, and helps build a trusting environment of “no surprises”.

But even once you learn preferences, not every day is the same, so it’s best to…

Seek permission, both to give and receive.

Ask for permission to give or receive feedback. Make the request explicit - say it out loud.

In a feedback loop, although you may think the power lies with the “manager” giving feedback, the power always lies with the receiver. It is they who need to accept and action the feedback.

Seeking permission to give feedback helps set the positive landing mat for the feedback. And permission may not be given - there are valid answers like-

  • “I’m currently too tired from being up all night on an incident”
  • “I need some more time to meditate on that issue first”
  • “I’ve had some sad personal news, and not ready right now for more negativity”
  • “Let’s discuss this later in the week”

If you are motivated to improve yourself, you should be hungry for feedback. You will be surprised how much feedback gets unlocked by explicitly giving your manager or peers permission to give you feedback.

Overall

“Giving feedback” and “recieving feedback” are not unteachable reflexes, they are just two skills which you can learn and improve. Practise some of these tactics and find what works for you.

In fact, they are compounding skills (like “learning how to learn” or “clearer communication”) in that good feedback skills don’t just make you better, they make you better at getting better.

References